Motions

It’s been a couple months and I feel great

Hardly thinking of you, only In passing maybe when triggered by a memory attached to a scene or object

Some days, every now and then, I get overwhelmed by the thought of you

I wish i could still tell you about all my little victories. Never quite got to telling you my lows so that doesn’t bother me as much.

But how much i want to tell you about my wins

It drives me insane when i have to catch myself in time when the thought of impulsively telling you sways me

Like how i got out of bed right after my first alarm

How i did not forget to eat breakfast today

How i actually cooked a meal after weeks of take out

How i finally got to singing that song I’ve been trying to learn, without jumbling up the words

How i finally paid for the app i thought was too expensive

How i finally figured out how to be consistent with a regimen

Finally learnt to play that game you said I’d never learn

Finally found the courage to speak about what am passionate about

11:11 remember that?

I clean my shoes twice a week

My diet now has fruits in it

I still can’t do a pressup but boy am i still trying

But I can’t tell you these things. Now can I?

You ripped that joy from me and built my walls back up in a second

Guess somethings are too good, they just have to end

Because some people can’t deal with that kind of happiness in their lives

All I can do is love you from afar so you can’t hurt me anymore

But every single day, I wonder about us, what we could’ve been.

I have to fight the urge to share my new found joys with you everyday

So much to tell you, but instead I write

I keep on going through the motions

I know we ended long ago I should be numb to these emotions

Waves

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