It’s been a couple months and I feel great
Hardly thinking of you, only In passing maybe when triggered by a memory attached to a scene or object
Some days, every now and then, I get overwhelmed by the thought of you
I wish i could still tell you about all my little victories. Never quite got to telling you my lows so that doesn’t bother me as much.
But how much i want to tell you about my wins
It drives me insane when i have to catch myself in time when the thought of impulsively telling you sways me
Like how i got out of bed right after my first alarm
How i did not forget to eat breakfast today
How i actually cooked a meal after weeks of take out
How i finally got to singing that song I’ve been trying to learn, without jumbling up the words
How i finally paid for the app i thought was too expensive
How i finally figured out how to be consistent with a regimen
Finally learnt to play that game you said I’d never learn
Finally found the courage to speak about what am passionate about
11:11 remember that?
I clean my shoes twice a week
My diet now has fruits in it
I still can’t do a pressup but boy am i still trying
But I can’t tell you these things. Now can I?
You ripped that joy from me and built my walls back up in a second
Guess somethings are too good, they just have to end
Because some people can’t deal with that kind of happiness in their lives
All I can do is love you from afar so you can’t hurt me anymore
But every single day, I wonder about us, what we could’ve been.
I have to fight the urge to share my new found joys with you everyday
So much to tell you, but instead I write
I keep on going through the motions
I know we ended long ago I should be numb to these emotions