By My Onesie

It has recently come to my attention, to my realization, that what happiness is for me comes from a sense of accomplishment

See, i just got out of a really long term relationship and immediately jumped into something i would call a minor rebound situation. I thought that would fill the void of the relationship, it didn’t. It just turned into a horrible disaster

And over the course of these few months I’ve searched and searched for different kinds of things that could help me feel happy. Or at least a temporal sense of it

I always say that in my long term relationship, i was always happy. Even if it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows, we had our problems and issues, overall i was always happy.

And then being single felt like, so strange. It felt like everything was fine, i was at peace. But i found myself asking “Am i really happy?”

I know when i was in the relationship, i was happy but also knew I wasn’t at peace. I spent a-lot of time conflicting with myself especially about compromising my values for the sake of the relationship or walking away and losing my best friend. But i was genuinely happy and i knew that feeling of happiness was coming from companionship cause above all else we were good together.

And then being alone, it felt so difficult to be happy. I didn’t know how to do it. I didn’t know what people meant by finding the happiness within yourself. And for months I’ve rocked my brain tryna figure it out n figure it out… n figure it out.

Until recently, when i discovered that i really enjoy self help books. I really enjoy reading and finding information that makes me question my reality, makes me see the world from a different perspective. Gives me an insight of how other people’s minds work. That is very fascinating for me

And of course i used to go online and check for blogs or on youtube pages and audiobooks here and there but i never really got into it

Then recently i started reading actual books instead of the audiobooks because some books didn’t have the audiobook version and it made me realized that i was so…

It was just, I couldn’t describe it.

I felt 😍 internal contentment … It was a whole different experience, I don’t know how I’d describe it. And when i read the book, I’d enjoy it, and I’d say to myself “wow, this is a really good book”.

It felt so good to get all that knowledge into me. One would say reading gives me joy, maybe even happiness

And i keep doing this, i read a book and I’m like “wow , I’ve never thought of it this way. Couldn’t have imagined this perspective”.

Most books always mention that happiness is in the process, in the journey and it is so true.

I recently just finished reading “the subtle art of not giving a F***” and in that book i learnt so much.

But it narrows it down to, learn to be concerned about the things that matter to you. And in order to do that you need to figure out what matters and what doesn’t .

The things that matter, are the things that you should focus on. And the things that don’t, leave them be. The more you do it the better you get at identifying the important stuff and staying away from the trivial unnecessary ones

And that is when you find a whole another level of fulfillment, of happiness .. as most people would call it.

What people really need to understand is that happiness isn’t an end goal, it lingers in the process of our experiences. Its something that is gradual, sometimes it goes up, sometimes it goes down, sometimes its just right but they are all forms of happiness. What it isn’t is an end goal. If you don’t have it now, chances are it won’t be at the end of the road waiting for you either

And I’m really glad i found something that gives me that sense of happiness internally again

And i do hope everyone can find it for themselves in their own way.

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