Bulb

DD8A3532-FE14-4502-AA9E-C7DD76A6F657Breathe ……
The sound of the wind
The swift breeze of cold air hits my face
My shoes are pinching, they are my size but I wore two pairs of socks today.
Breathe ……
And then I will tell them about that 90’s song I heard when I was on the bu ……
Stop!
You can’t think about the future. That causes anxiety.
I just wish I didn’t exp ..
Stop!
You can’t think about the past. It brings unnecessary stress.
My jeans are sagging. That’s a present thought right? Gosh why are the sagging. Such an uncomfortable feeling.
My nails have been breaking. Is it the weather? Am I not eating enough fruit?
This Mindfulness thing is harder than I thought.
I have been reading endless articles about being present, in the moment after I self diagnosed myself with Compulsive overthinking which is basically repetitively thinking about the past and the future so much that you don’t allow yourself to enjoy the present.
I have gotten through the first step which is acceptance. I accept I have an issue because for a very long time I was in denial. I thought of it as being analytical.

However, if all I do is focus on the past to try mould the future, when it arrives I will still be overthinking further into the future and later realize I missed it all.
So I take a step back, after I realize that the future has endless possibilities and the only thing I have control over is the moment I am in and how I can make the best of it, and decide to make a change. I made plans but most times things didn’t fall into the order I had planned for them which made me realize I had to give up the elusion I had that I could somehow control the future.
However the second step through this, making the needed adjustments/changes, isn’t as easy as I had hoped. But I was willing to work at it until I get better and better. i had to give up my compulsive need to over analyze and overthink the past and the future and seeing as that was one of my favorite hobbies this is proving hard to do.

At this point it has been 2 weeks since I started my journey to a more present life and I have fallen off the wagon a hundred times. I keep finding myself right back where I started but I am still doing my best to get past this. Moving forward I want to be a better companion to myself, seeing as I plan to be alone a lot more. I don’t want to inflict myself with unnecessary worry and/or stress. A sound mind is a very strong tool. Yes this Compulsive overthinking had its advantages like less error and more productivity but who is to say I can’t be even more efficient in my works if I just learnt to calm my mind and let my thoughts flow freely in and out my head without clinging to situations and events I have no control over?
I will make this happen.

Its all about Headspace

 

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