Pages From A Novel I Will Never Write

 

I was walking to the car with the boss that afternoon as they were telling me about how exhausting their life is.

They look at me and say “last night I went to bed at 3am and had to be up at 7am today for work”

I smile because I don’t really know what to say at this point.

They continue “You know I work so hard everyday and when I get paid, I have to think of paying others. And the little I have left I use to grow my own businesses. I work and work but somehow I do not see what it’s for.”

At this point I realize they just need someone to vent to so I listen as best as I can.

“Do I have a anything to show for it? A home? A fam …….”

They stop mid-sentence as though realizing they are sharing too much.

“Are you tired? What time did you sleep last night?” They ask.

“I slept at 1am” I say

“Oh haha. Talking to your boyfriend yeah”

I give a slight laugh and say “ oh no we’re not talking right now”

They look at me with a smile and say “ you really don’t know how lucky you are. Look at you studying for the career of your dreams, making money and you even have someone by your side all in your 20’s.”

Of course naturally I just told myself he doesn’t know me and non of his opinions mattered. So I try to change the subject

“So why aren’t you married? You’re in your 30’s”

They look at me, smile and say “ well every time I like someone they never like me and when someone likes me I don’t like them. But recently I have been talking to someone and things seemed great but then today they sent me this”

I get the phone he is handing me and it’s a picture of a couple.

“She just asked me what I think of them as a couple. So Ridiculous!”

I hand the phone back and there’s just silence.

I remained trying to over analyze the situation (being the person that I am).

This is probably why they were in a venting mood. I guess sometimes life hits us with slaps that we’re not ready for. And I was the only person close. They needed to get somethings off their chest right there n then. And somehow I was glad that even though there was nothing I could do I lent a listening ear. It’s always flattering when people find ease in opening up to me. For me those are the little things that count, that matter.

But more importantly in their gloomy troubled thoughts I found something within myself. Something that I didn’t expect to find in someone not so close to me. I found reasons to be grateful. Sometimes you’re so busy living your life in close proximity you don’t realize what you really have. All we do is complain and look for things going wrong. But if you take a step back, maybe even look through a strangers eyes, you can much clearer see the blessings around you. What he said hit me like a bell, and at first I was in denial. I kept telling myself he doesn’t know everything. But it’s not about everything. Even so if you listed the good it by far outweighs the problems being faced. Most of which are self made.

I realized I need an attitude of gratitude. A positive change to reflect my life on. And……….

“We’re here” he interrupts as he stops by my doorstep.

“Thank you. And just for the record Mr. Howard, you’re doing great”

He looks at me and just smiles before he drives off.

***

What a day! I have been trying so hard to keep myself busy lately, just to stay away from reality for as long as possible but it’s taking its toll

I walk into my apartment ready to enjoy my solitude.

“ what to eat, what to eat”

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