12:46

Jan 29th

12:46

i wake up to a new day. Deep within me i feel angry, but why? I turn and see the person next to me facing the other direction. I get up to walk around and look in the mirror as though i do not recall what i always look like when i just get out of bed. I wash my face trying to figure out why am so mad. I try to recall the dream i had the previous night

wreckless trains

beach sunsets πŸŒ…

lots of overthinking

Then it hits me.

I dreamt of a trip to the beach with my significant other. Started out with a suggestion “wanna come with me for this thing, its no big deal but i want you to come with me” i smile and say yes. So we get ready, making sure everything is in order.. We get to the train station, I’m dreaming but at this point my excitement seems very real. The rush of people all trying to get to their destinations. Could only imagine how many of these people were going to meet their loved ones after a long time, who are travelling cause of some unsettling events the possibilities all so endless.

We make our way into the train. Its purple and grey possibly because i read an article the night before about a purple train in Shanghai.

So this train was wreckless and moved like a worm. No direction and definetly did not need train tracks. I wasnt complaining really, it got us to our destination in good time.

We meet another station, this ones all white and lots of glass doors. Thats all i can recall from that station. Next thing i know, we by the beach with a few other people. I love beaches, i love sunsets but in this moment this was the most annoying place i wanted to be at with him.

One would say i have a chronic case of over exaggerated overthinking and in this moment i was at the peak of rage for no reason other than drawing my own thoughts out of proportion. Crazy.

Hes mad cause i am raging over some irrelevant nonsense from the past. Am mad cause he’s not seeing my point of view regardless of how ridiculous.

We miss a beautiful sunset and by the time i look back and want to take a picture, its too late. Now am mad about more things. No speck of reasoning left within me.

All i remember next is being on the train, not talking to one another. The wreckless train randomly curves sharply and suddenly we back home.

We get off and for some unknown reason, this particular train has a baggage claim section and they having a delay organising the baggage. We sit by a bench, senses start to settle in slowly “i just ruined a perfectly good trip cause of my inability to get over the past”

Its deafeningly quiet for a while. Then he breaks the silence.

“I honestly dont know what you want me to do. I’m really trying.”

I can see he’s more confused than mad now. Β “I was going to give this to you, guess the universe had other plans for this trip”

He brings out these beautiful flowers 🌺

At this point i feel terrible

“you know i …”

And i wake up 😞

 

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